Take Your Power Back

I recently had to take my own advice and break off a relationship because he lied to me.  I knew if I buckled and stayed with a dishonest person I would have no right to give advice to all of you.  I must say, there was a great deal of strength in that, knowing others rely on me.  Its been 4 days and I have not even shed a tear.  There is no reason to cry over a person who was bad for you.  Rejoice in knowing you took your power back and had the balls to kick him out.  No one ever felt better for bringing the garbage back in, or letting it pile up too high.

In closing I give you this...If your man ever says to you, "I just don't know what I want".  The appropriate response is, "Well, I DO...I want a guy who knows what he wants."

Don't Be Shy

When you're in a relationship its imperative to communicate your sexual needs.  Women tend to shy away from this topic, while men are perfectly willing to tell you everything they want you to do.  Have you ever felt shy with certain guys while others make you feel free to get crazy?  Much of this has to do with chemistry.  When you know your guy is hot for you its easy to feel secure and try new things.  When its the other way around and you are really hot for HIM, you may get bashful and worry about turning him off or asking for something he isn't doing.  You deserve sexual satisfaction as much as he does.  Telling him what you like is usually a turn on for him so there's no need to be timid.  Guys love girls who love sex.  Period.  Get what you want out of the bedroom and your relationship has a much better chance.  He will love doing the things you like which will make him more attracted to you in the long run.

Sex Can Wait

Men do not fall in love over good sex.  They fall in love with intelligence and personality.  You may think you have him in your grip because he wants more sex from you.  You don't.  Its crucial not to give the sex away too fast if you haven't given him the opportunity to get to know you.  Sex for a man can be intoxicating, but soon his lustful drunkeness wears off.  When it does, there must be something left for him to be attached to.  If he hasn't developed a need for your company, he will move on to new pastures.
Give yourself a little test.  Does he know your favorite food?  Has he met any of your friends?  Has he spent time at home with you watching a movie?  Make sure he has invested into your life a little before you get undressed.  You don't want to feel stupid if he disappears after he gets what he wants.  Especially if he gets it a few times.

Who's Your Daddy?

Single and having a baby?  Need to choose a dad?  That's tricky.  It might seem fun to have your best gay be the dad but he probably parties a lot.  A baby is a lifetime commitment and the dad will always be there.  Taking everything into consideration is key.  A sperm bank will give you many details about the looks and genetics of the dad's sperm.  If you want to do it solo this is a good way to choose DNA. If you are looking for a hands-on dad, you must be choosey.  Religion, family, and lifestyle is everything.  You will never argue as much as you will fighting for the future of your child.  The downside is, you only really know this after the baby arrives.  Women go into crazy protective mode when they see the baby for the first time.  If you have enough insight to know this in advance you are golden.  Choose a dad that has the same outlook on life as you, the same ideals, the same path.  Also choose a guy that is responsible.  If he's flakey with you, no go... If he has a pet, pay attention to how he treats it, this is a good indicator of his nurturing qualities. Never have a baby with a guy who doesn't want one... he will never be there...and you don't have time to chase him when you are changing diapers.

What is a Soulmate?

Most people think a soulmate is a person to spend the rest of your life with.  It's NOT.  A soulmate is someone you meet on your life's journey for an amount of time.  You have many soulmates.  It can be a friend, a child, a parent, or anyone in your life for a specific reason. You may meet a soulmate to date for a few years until you outgrow each other and move on.  Some soulmates are for life but are not necessarily a mate.  It could be your best girlfriend.  Don't put pressure on your man to be your soulmate.  He may only be destined to be there for a time.  You learn from everyone you attract so respect  the time you have and know it has a divine purpose. Not everything lasts forever.  But some things do.  Be smart enough to know what does. 

Are you a commitment Phobic?

Some people think they want a relationship but when it finally shows up..they seem to be allergic.  It's okay if you want to be free as long as you let the other party know this up front.  Not everyone is cut out for monogomy.  Find people who feel the same way.  Don't lead someone on and hurt their feelings.  Honesty in the beginning will ensure you are matched with like-minded spirits.  There is someone for everyone and some people are hippies at heart.  If you are a player, good for you! Just make sure your dates are on the same page.

The Best Revenge Is Success

If you have ever been cheated on or screwed over, you know what it's like to want revenge.  Getting even seems like the best payback.  But is it?  Putting negative energy on others only brings negative energy back on you.  Why not bless their success and wish them well while asking for MORE success for YOU?  This makes the Universe work in your favor and gives you the best results.  If he found another girl, smile upon him and ask for a better guy for yourself.  If someone cheated you in business, bless their efforts and ask for tenfold for your own endeavors.  Let positive energy work for you even in the worst situations.  Its the only way to upstage your enemies.

Only you can make you happy

If you rely on a mate to bring you happiness, you will always be disappointed.  Your happiness relies upon you.  Don't give a man the power to dictate your mood.  Decide to be happy no matter what.  Once you put the power in his hands, you are setting yourself up to lose control of your well-being.  If he is unhappy, that's his problem.  His journey is seperate from yours.  If he is unhappy with you, that's not your problem either.  You are you and you deserve to be accepted.  A relationship only works if both parties are whole.  You are not the "other half" of anyone.  When you can grasp this concept, no man can ever make you feel bad again.  He can not make you feel pretty or smart.  You KNOW you are.  If he can't see it, someone else will.

Positive Thinking

Thoughts become THINGS.  Whatever you think will happen...WILL.  It's important to be positive when you think about who you want.  If you think all guys are dogs, you will attract dogs.  If you think guys are sweet and loyal, you will find great men.  Be careful what your beliefs are about guys.  You can only attract what you put out.  It can be hard to change your mind if your past experiences have been bad.  But the past is gone. You can start over at any time.  Decide that men are something good in your life and they will be.  Its the magic of Quantum Physics and it works.  Use it to your advantage and create a reality for yourself that you always dreamed of.  Good guys are out there if you are open to attracting them.

Does Money Really Matter?

I know girls who want a man with some cash.  A nice car can be a turn on.  But how important is it really?  A man can lose his fortune at any time.  Especially in this economy.  If you can't see yourself happily living in a cardboard box with him, it isn't love.  You have to visualize your guy in all situations to make sure you really like him. "For richer or poorer" is in the marriage vows for a reason.  Strip away all the "stuff" and see how attractive he is.  It's a good way to test your feelings.

Holiday Blues?

The holidays can be depressing if you're single.  It feels like the time to be snuggling up with a loved one and being cozy.  Don't let it get you down if you haven't found that special someone.  Many people spend holidays with friends and family.  If you are seeing someone new, it may be too soon to meet the family and drink eggnog together.  Its okay.  Don't let Christmas be pressure.  The reality is Dec. 25th is one day of your life.  It's not more important in your love life than any other day.  If you're dating, go to a Christmas party with your man a different day and spend the 25th with your dad.  If you're solo, hang with friends.  In the scheme of things its not as important as it seems.  Its a time to be thankful for what you have, not what you wish you had.

Looks Don't Last

Have you been to your high school reunion?  All the hot guys you remember are short, bald and fat and the nerds have become unrecognizably cute.  What the hell happened?  Time happened.  Looks fade.  People get older and turn into different people.  They can't help it, its genetic.  The football player that stayed in shape lost his hair, and the dork shed his glasses for contacts cleared up his skin and got taller.  It's not a good idea to be too hung up on appearances.  They are fleeting and ever-changing.  Try and find a guy with the qualities you like.  Funny guys get cuter and romantic guys warm our hearts.  Focus on things that really matter and if he's hot consider it a bonus.

Should We Live Together?

Girls always want to move in fast.  But is this really a good idea?  Before you get on his case about wanting to keep his place, consider the facts.  Osho says the ideal living arrangement for a couple is to live across the lake from each other...here's why.  Love is something you give away, and eventually you run out.  The only way for love to rebuild is to spend time on your own missing your partner.  This alone time allows your emotions to replenish.  Thats why after spending time apart you feel elated when you finally see each other.  The old adage "Familiarity breeds contempt" is a perfect example of what happens when you spend all of your time together.  When you are depleted of love and have none left to give, the relationship goes stale and you stop appreciating each other.  This is why codependency is considered unhealthy.  If you live seperately, you are still in a good place to seperate and allow the love to grow.  This is the romance time and should be cherished.  Once you move in, much of the mystery subsides, so why rush?  Stay on your side of the lake for as long as you can and let the passion live.

You don't have to be twins

Being compatible with your mate means you compliment each other.  It doesn't mean you do the same things and are the same person.  If you love the outdoors and your man prefers to stay in, hike with a friend or get a dog.  If he loves horror films and you get nightmares, suggest he have a guys movie night and catch a chick flick on your own.  Trying to change each other causes bickering and break-ups.  Respect each others individuality.  As long as you get along at the end of the day and love each other, there's no need to be twins.

The Law Of Attraction

Everything that happens to you in your life, good or bad, you have attracted.  Thoughts and feelings are powerful.  If you have negative thoughts and fantasize about the worst case scenario, you will cause your fears to become your reality.  If you have positive thoughts and dream of wonderful things, your world will reflect this.  The law of attraction is always working.  Use it to your advantage.  If you tell yourself you will NEVER find the right man, you won't.  Keep your mind set on the results you want.  Picture yourself happy and loved.  Be mindful of what you say about yourself and your situation.  Complaining will only keep you from your goal.  Be optimistic and let it permeate your life.

Top Ten Things To Remember About Your Man

1.   He doesn't have intuition.  Tell him what you need.  It's called woman's intuition for a reason.
2.   He needs to feel needed.  Call him for man jobs and let him be your hero.
3.   He wants to chase you.  Let him pursue you and wait to hear from him.
4.   He likes sexual variety.  Make the sex interesting and change it up a lot.
5.   He respects independent women.  Have your own life and don't revolve it around him.
6.   He needs to work.  Men base their self worth on their job.  Don't interfere with his business time.
7.   He deserves privacy.  Don't snoop.  It makes you look insecure and that turns him off.
8.   He likes attention.  Compliment him and he won't need other women to boost his ego.
9.   He isn't your dad.  Solve your problems on your own and make your time with him positive.
10. He can't make you happy.  Only YOU can make you happy.  Don't put that pressure on anyone.

Confidence is sexy

Do you get nervous on a first date?  Are you worried he won't like you?  Remember, he is nervous too.  Don't feel inferior or worry about whether or not he thinks you're smart enough or pretty enough.  You don't need to be anything more than what you already are.  You are enough.  If he doesn't see how amazing you are, then he's not for you.  Relax... have fun meeting people.  Congratulate yourself for taking a chance.

He doesn't get it

Men are not as spiritual as women.  There are a few evolved guys out there but not many.  Don't try and explain things to your guy in spiritual terms.  It will fly right over his head.  Speak to him in a simple and matter of fact way. Don't talk to him about being an Aquarius or what may happen in 2012.  You are wasting your time.

A Few Good Places to Meet Good People

1.  The grocery store
2.  The laundromat
3.  The mall
4.  The dog park
5.  Starbucks

It's better to meet a guy in a normal day to day situation than a bar or nightclub.  The most obvious reason being you can SEE better.  Also people aren't usually pretending to be something they aren't when doing their laundry.  Places you go everyday are the best places to be alert.  They are also the times when we usually aren't looking.  When you become aware of your surroundings, you broaden the scope of people you have things in common with.

Suggested Reading

An ending is a new beginning

When you've combined your life with another person, breaking up can get sticky.  You may have pets in common, property, friends...dividing up the stuff can be a headache.  It's not going to be easy.  Change is hard. Its the end of your old and familiar life.  It can be filled with feelings of sorrow and fear about the future.
Change your perspective.  See your life beyond the messy move out.  Picture yourself in a beautiful place of your own, happy, independent.  Think of all the things you can do now that you are free.  Visualize yourself joyful and succeeding.  You are now beyond the boundaries and there is no limit to what you can do.  Packing your things will suddenly seem a small price to pay for the new beginning you now look forward to. Focus on the outcome and trust yourself.

Everything Happens For A Reason

The Universe has a plan for you.  There is a higher purpose in everything you do.  Sometimes you think you know what you want, but it may be far different than what you NEED.  Add faith in the unknown to everything else you are doing to attract a mate.  If someone rejects you, know it's for the best and someone better is on the way.  Affirm that you are in the right place at the right time and let the cosmos work its magic on you. 

Single And Loving It

There are phases in our lives when we are simply supposed to be single.  Maybe we need to focus on work, school, or ourselves.  If you have dating burnout, take a break.  You can always step back and resume the search at a later time.  Make a list of how being single benefits you.  More free time, not having to answer to anyone, and developing your personality are all great reasons to be on your own.  Some of the best vacations you will take are with your friends, being free.  Being unattached has benefits.  If you're single, make the best of it.  Be happy in all situations and enjoy the life you have today.

Is The Honeymoon Over?

Every relationship has a honeymoon phase which eventually comes to an end.  When the pheromones fade and our senses return, we sometimes begin to notice flaws in our partner. Shortcomings that have always been there, but were hard to decifer through the drunken infatuation we were in.  This is when the "love is blind" portion ends and the bickering begins.  There is no harm in taking a more realistic look at your relationship.  I recommend the tried and true "Pros and Cons" list.  Write down what you love about your mate, and also what is driving you nuts about him.  Now, throw away the "Cons" portion and put the "Pros" somewhere you can see them often...like your desk, bathroom mirror, etc.  Learn to focus on the positive.  Appreciate his good qualities and they will become amplified.  If the two of you are a good match, this will work 100% of the time. You will remember why you fell for him and the flaws won't matter. If you aren't a match and the cons list is haunting you from the trash can, you will know within weeks that you need to cut the cord.

Find A Mate Efficiently

Finding the perfect mate takes effort.  You must combine spiritual work with physical work.  Both are crucial to getting you to your destination.  I have made a quick "To Do List" to be sure you are doing everything possible to meet your match.  You can find more details on each by scrolling down the blog.

1.  Daily Affirmations - keep your mind positive and be thankful for your good qualities
2.  Match Make Over - dress the part to attract the type you desire
3.  Vision Board - create a vision board with images and words that describe your perfect guy
4.  Self Improve - always better yourself  to attract a higher quality person
5.  Seize the Day - take every opportunity that presents itself and always look good just in case
6.  Make a List - List all the qualities you can think of to describe the partner you are seeking
7.  Get Out There - Go where the eligible bachelors are.  Even if that means dating online. 
8.  Use Time Wisely - If the guy isn't working out, move on quickly.  There are more choices out there.