Who's Your Daddy?

Single and having a baby?  Need to choose a dad?  That's tricky.  It might seem fun to have your best gay be the dad but he probably parties a lot.  A baby is a lifetime commitment and the dad will always be there.  Taking everything into consideration is key.  A sperm bank will give you many details about the looks and genetics of the dad's sperm.  If you want to do it solo this is a good way to choose DNA. If you are looking for a hands-on dad, you must be choosey.  Religion, family, and lifestyle is everything.  You will never argue as much as you will fighting for the future of your child.  The downside is, you only really know this after the baby arrives.  Women go into crazy protective mode when they see the baby for the first time.  If you have enough insight to know this in advance you are golden.  Choose a dad that has the same outlook on life as you, the same ideals, the same path.  Also choose a guy that is responsible.  If he's flakey with you, no go... If he has a pet, pay attention to how he treats it, this is a good indicator of his nurturing qualities. Never have a baby with a guy who doesn't want one... he will never be there...and you don't have time to chase him when you are changing diapers.

What is a Soulmate?

Most people think a soulmate is a person to spend the rest of your life with.  It's NOT.  A soulmate is someone you meet on your life's journey for an amount of time.  You have many soulmates.  It can be a friend, a child, a parent, or anyone in your life for a specific reason. You may meet a soulmate to date for a few years until you outgrow each other and move on.  Some soulmates are for life but are not necessarily a mate.  It could be your best girlfriend.  Don't put pressure on your man to be your soulmate.  He may only be destined to be there for a time.  You learn from everyone you attract so respect  the time you have and know it has a divine purpose. Not everything lasts forever.  But some things do.  Be smart enough to know what does. 

Are you a commitment Phobic?

Some people think they want a relationship but when it finally shows up..they seem to be allergic.  It's okay if you want to be free as long as you let the other party know this up front.  Not everyone is cut out for monogomy.  Find people who feel the same way.  Don't lead someone on and hurt their feelings.  Honesty in the beginning will ensure you are matched with like-minded spirits.  There is someone for everyone and some people are hippies at heart.  If you are a player, good for you! Just make sure your dates are on the same page.

The Best Revenge Is Success

If you have ever been cheated on or screwed over, you know what it's like to want revenge.  Getting even seems like the best payback.  But is it?  Putting negative energy on others only brings negative energy back on you.  Why not bless their success and wish them well while asking for MORE success for YOU?  This makes the Universe work in your favor and gives you the best results.  If he found another girl, smile upon him and ask for a better guy for yourself.  If someone cheated you in business, bless their efforts and ask for tenfold for your own endeavors.  Let positive energy work for you even in the worst situations.  Its the only way to upstage your enemies.

Only you can make you happy

If you rely on a mate to bring you happiness, you will always be disappointed.  Your happiness relies upon you.  Don't give a man the power to dictate your mood.  Decide to be happy no matter what.  Once you put the power in his hands, you are setting yourself up to lose control of your well-being.  If he is unhappy, that's his problem.  His journey is seperate from yours.  If he is unhappy with you, that's not your problem either.  You are you and you deserve to be accepted.  A relationship only works if both parties are whole.  You are not the "other half" of anyone.  When you can grasp this concept, no man can ever make you feel bad again.  He can not make you feel pretty or smart.  You KNOW you are.  If he can't see it, someone else will.

Positive Thinking

Thoughts become THINGS.  Whatever you think will happen...WILL.  It's important to be positive when you think about who you want.  If you think all guys are dogs, you will attract dogs.  If you think guys are sweet and loyal, you will find great men.  Be careful what your beliefs are about guys.  You can only attract what you put out.  It can be hard to change your mind if your past experiences have been bad.  But the past is gone. You can start over at any time.  Decide that men are something good in your life and they will be.  Its the magic of Quantum Physics and it works.  Use it to your advantage and create a reality for yourself that you always dreamed of.  Good guys are out there if you are open to attracting them.

Does Money Really Matter?

I know girls who want a man with some cash.  A nice car can be a turn on.  But how important is it really?  A man can lose his fortune at any time.  Especially in this economy.  If you can't see yourself happily living in a cardboard box with him, it isn't love.  You have to visualize your guy in all situations to make sure you really like him. "For richer or poorer" is in the marriage vows for a reason.  Strip away all the "stuff" and see how attractive he is.  It's a good way to test your feelings.

Holiday Blues?

The holidays can be depressing if you're single.  It feels like the time to be snuggling up with a loved one and being cozy.  Don't let it get you down if you haven't found that special someone.  Many people spend holidays with friends and family.  If you are seeing someone new, it may be too soon to meet the family and drink eggnog together.  Its okay.  Don't let Christmas be pressure.  The reality is Dec. 25th is one day of your life.  It's not more important in your love life than any other day.  If you're dating, go to a Christmas party with your man a different day and spend the 25th with your dad.  If you're solo, hang with friends.  In the scheme of things its not as important as it seems.  Its a time to be thankful for what you have, not what you wish you had.

Looks Don't Last

Have you been to your high school reunion?  All the hot guys you remember are short, bald and fat and the nerds have become unrecognizably cute.  What the hell happened?  Time happened.  Looks fade.  People get older and turn into different people.  They can't help it, its genetic.  The football player that stayed in shape lost his hair, and the dork shed his glasses for contacts cleared up his skin and got taller.  It's not a good idea to be too hung up on appearances.  They are fleeting and ever-changing.  Try and find a guy with the qualities you like.  Funny guys get cuter and romantic guys warm our hearts.  Focus on things that really matter and if he's hot consider it a bonus.

Should We Live Together?

Girls always want to move in fast.  But is this really a good idea?  Before you get on his case about wanting to keep his place, consider the facts.  Osho says the ideal living arrangement for a couple is to live across the lake from each other...here's why.  Love is something you give away, and eventually you run out.  The only way for love to rebuild is to spend time on your own missing your partner.  This alone time allows your emotions to replenish.  Thats why after spending time apart you feel elated when you finally see each other.  The old adage "Familiarity breeds contempt" is a perfect example of what happens when you spend all of your time together.  When you are depleted of love and have none left to give, the relationship goes stale and you stop appreciating each other.  This is why codependency is considered unhealthy.  If you live seperately, you are still in a good place to seperate and allow the love to grow.  This is the romance time and should be cherished.  Once you move in, much of the mystery subsides, so why rush?  Stay on your side of the lake for as long as you can and let the passion live.

You don't have to be twins

Being compatible with your mate means you compliment each other.  It doesn't mean you do the same things and are the same person.  If you love the outdoors and your man prefers to stay in, hike with a friend or get a dog.  If he loves horror films and you get nightmares, suggest he have a guys movie night and catch a chick flick on your own.  Trying to change each other causes bickering and break-ups.  Respect each others individuality.  As long as you get along at the end of the day and love each other, there's no need to be twins.

The Law Of Attraction

Everything that happens to you in your life, good or bad, you have attracted.  Thoughts and feelings are powerful.  If you have negative thoughts and fantasize about the worst case scenario, you will cause your fears to become your reality.  If you have positive thoughts and dream of wonderful things, your world will reflect this.  The law of attraction is always working.  Use it to your advantage.  If you tell yourself you will NEVER find the right man, you won't.  Keep your mind set on the results you want.  Picture yourself happy and loved.  Be mindful of what you say about yourself and your situation.  Complaining will only keep you from your goal.  Be optimistic and let it permeate your life.

Top Ten Things To Remember About Your Man

1.   He doesn't have intuition.  Tell him what you need.  It's called woman's intuition for a reason.
2.   He needs to feel needed.  Call him for man jobs and let him be your hero.
3.   He wants to chase you.  Let him pursue you and wait to hear from him.
4.   He likes sexual variety.  Make the sex interesting and change it up a lot.
5.   He respects independent women.  Have your own life and don't revolve it around him.
6.   He needs to work.  Men base their self worth on their job.  Don't interfere with his business time.
7.   He deserves privacy.  Don't snoop.  It makes you look insecure and that turns him off.
8.   He likes attention.  Compliment him and he won't need other women to boost his ego.
9.   He isn't your dad.  Solve your problems on your own and make your time with him positive.
10. He can't make you happy.  Only YOU can make you happy.  Don't put that pressure on anyone.

Confidence is sexy

Do you get nervous on a first date?  Are you worried he won't like you?  Remember, he is nervous too.  Don't feel inferior or worry about whether or not he thinks you're smart enough or pretty enough.  You don't need to be anything more than what you already are.  You are enough.  If he doesn't see how amazing you are, then he's not for you.  Relax... have fun meeting people.  Congratulate yourself for taking a chance.

He doesn't get it

Men are not as spiritual as women.  There are a few evolved guys out there but not many.  Don't try and explain things to your guy in spiritual terms.  It will fly right over his head.  Speak to him in a simple and matter of fact way. Don't talk to him about being an Aquarius or what may happen in 2012.  You are wasting your time.

A Few Good Places to Meet Good People

1.  The grocery store
2.  The laundromat
3.  The mall
4.  The dog park
5.  Starbucks

It's better to meet a guy in a normal day to day situation than a bar or nightclub.  The most obvious reason being you can SEE better.  Also people aren't usually pretending to be something they aren't when doing their laundry.  Places you go everyday are the best places to be alert.  They are also the times when we usually aren't looking.  When you become aware of your surroundings, you broaden the scope of people you have things in common with.

Suggested Reading

An ending is a new beginning

When you've combined your life with another person, breaking up can get sticky.  You may have pets in common, property, friends...dividing up the stuff can be a headache.  It's not going to be easy.  Change is hard. Its the end of your old and familiar life.  It can be filled with feelings of sorrow and fear about the future.
Change your perspective.  See your life beyond the messy move out.  Picture yourself in a beautiful place of your own, happy, independent.  Think of all the things you can do now that you are free.  Visualize yourself joyful and succeeding.  You are now beyond the boundaries and there is no limit to what you can do.  Packing your things will suddenly seem a small price to pay for the new beginning you now look forward to. Focus on the outcome and trust yourself.

Everything Happens For A Reason

The Universe has a plan for you.  There is a higher purpose in everything you do.  Sometimes you think you know what you want, but it may be far different than what you NEED.  Add faith in the unknown to everything else you are doing to attract a mate.  If someone rejects you, know it's for the best and someone better is on the way.  Affirm that you are in the right place at the right time and let the cosmos work its magic on you. 

Single And Loving It

There are phases in our lives when we are simply supposed to be single.  Maybe we need to focus on work, school, or ourselves.  If you have dating burnout, take a break.  You can always step back and resume the search at a later time.  Make a list of how being single benefits you.  More free time, not having to answer to anyone, and developing your personality are all great reasons to be on your own.  Some of the best vacations you will take are with your friends, being free.  Being unattached has benefits.  If you're single, make the best of it.  Be happy in all situations and enjoy the life you have today.

Is The Honeymoon Over?

Every relationship has a honeymoon phase which eventually comes to an end.  When the pheromones fade and our senses return, we sometimes begin to notice flaws in our partner. Shortcomings that have always been there, but were hard to decifer through the drunken infatuation we were in.  This is when the "love is blind" portion ends and the bickering begins.  There is no harm in taking a more realistic look at your relationship.  I recommend the tried and true "Pros and Cons" list.  Write down what you love about your mate, and also what is driving you nuts about him.  Now, throw away the "Cons" portion and put the "Pros" somewhere you can see them often...like your desk, bathroom mirror, etc.  Learn to focus on the positive.  Appreciate his good qualities and they will become amplified.  If the two of you are a good match, this will work 100% of the time. You will remember why you fell for him and the flaws won't matter. If you aren't a match and the cons list is haunting you from the trash can, you will know within weeks that you need to cut the cord.

Find A Mate Efficiently

Finding the perfect mate takes effort.  You must combine spiritual work with physical work.  Both are crucial to getting you to your destination.  I have made a quick "To Do List" to be sure you are doing everything possible to meet your match.  You can find more details on each by scrolling down the blog.

1.  Daily Affirmations - keep your mind positive and be thankful for your good qualities
2.  Match Make Over - dress the part to attract the type you desire
3.  Vision Board - create a vision board with images and words that describe your perfect guy
4.  Self Improve - always better yourself  to attract a higher quality person
5.  Seize the Day - take every opportunity that presents itself and always look good just in case
6.  Make a List - List all the qualities you can think of to describe the partner you are seeking
7.  Get Out There - Go where the eligible bachelors are.  Even if that means dating online. 
8.  Use Time Wisely - If the guy isn't working out, move on quickly.  There are more choices out there.

Is He A Fixer Upper?

Changing people is impossible.  Of course people change, but only on their own accord. They change when they have learned a lesson,  or been inspired to be more like someone they admire.  I have witnessed countless women stay in pointless relationships waiting for the day he suddenly changes into the romantic, sensitive, generous boyfriend she so desperately wants.  Don't let your youth pass you by trying to get a hero out of your zero. If he doesn't want to change, he won't.  Nagging, begging, praying...these things are a waste of your energy.  If his love for you inspires him to want to be better, he will show willingness and ask you what you need from him.  If you don't have a willing guy, you don't have a changeable guy.

Time's a tickin', girl.  If your man's not working for you, I promise the guy you wish he was already exists and is out there.  Save yourself the aggravation.  Why do an overhaul on a fixer-upper when you can have the finished version?

Birds of a Feather

"Birds of a feather, flock together" is a famous saying.  But what does it mean? It means we attract people who vibrate at the same frequency as we do.  We meet those who are on our same level in life because something about them stands out.  We "see" them.  If you feel you have been attracting a low-level person into your romantic life, then there is something flawed in you that is keeping you at this level.  Low self-esteem, addiction, depression...these are things within us that keep us down, down on a lower plane where we can't attract a positive, healthy person. 
If you want to upgrade the men you are meeting, do something that lifts you up into a higher level of being.  Learn something new, start excersizing, get therapy, read a book by someone you admire.  Get inspired.  Growing as an individual and emitting positive rays will bring you high quality humans that you can learn from and love with.  Self-examination will help you target things within you that need improvement.  Once you start healing, a whole new group of individuals will begin to "see" you, and finding a quality mate will be easy.

What role do Pheromones Play in Sexual Attraction?

Pheromones are directly related to our sense of smell, and are released through the skin.  Have you ever been addicted to the smell of your boyfriends sweaty worn t-shirt?  You are chemically attracted to him.  The smell of a strange man may repulse you while another man's scent will make you aroused.  This is why a familiar cologne willl instantly remind you of someone.  Smell is a key component to attraction. A client asked me if condoms block pheromones and make sexual contact less intimate.  The answer is No.  Condoms do not play any part in pheromone transmission.  If you feel "closer" to a man without a condom, that may be your mind telling you there is no barrier between you.  There is no physical reason to feel this way.  Intimacy is in the breath, the kissing, the connection...  condoms are designed to protect you from unwanted pregnancy and disease.  They may even save your life.  Don't feel offended when a man wants to use one.  He doesn't think you're slutty, he is respecting your body.  Feel honored, and focus your attention on his scent.

Let Him Chase You

I was going to title this entry "Don't Chase Him" but when I went online to find a picture of a woman chasing a man...there weren't any.  I could only find men chasing women.  This is because a man going after a woman is the most natural thing in the world.  A woman running after a man is PATHETIC.  Oh wait I found one, and look, he is running away...

Meet The Parents

When is the appropriate time he should be inviting you to meet his family?  If they are local, six months.  If they live out of state, a year.  If you have past this time and haven't met anyone yet, its appropriate to ask him why.  Don't inquire any earlier than that or he will think you are trying to infiltrate his life too fast. And you ARE.  Let it be HIS idea and let HIM invite you.  If you're getting gray hair waiting for him to ask then go for it.  If he responds badly that could mean two things.  One, he came from a bunch of freaks and he's embarrassed of them, or Two, he's not taking you seriously.  Either way you should run.

Are you his Mom?

It is not your job to fix his problems.  If he asks you for advice, give the best advice you see fit and move on.  If he keeps complaining to you about his troubles, draw a line with how much time you will spend on it.  You have your own problems to sort out (See "Be Happy" below).  You are not his psycologist.  If a man knows he can keep dumping his sorrows on you, he will.  Eventually HE will feel better and you will be stuck trying to sort it all out for him.  Your energy is for YOU.  Be sweet, be helpful, but don't let it drag out.  You need a man who is strong and can handle his own emotions.  Don't be his mom. That makes him your son.... And no one wants to have sex with their kid.

PMS is no grounds for breaking up

Keep track of your cycle, girls, and write that shit down.  Certain times of the month we are extra sensitive to everything a guy does.  Are you being a total bitch?  Check your calendar. Don't pick fights or end the relationship because you are emotional.  Its better to tell him you're busy a few days before you get your period than subject him to your moody bullshit.  Park your broomstick and stay home. 

Girls Have All The Power

Look at this woman.  What would a guy do to have her?  ANYTHING. Wars have been fought over a beautiful woman, Presidential careers ruined.  We have what they want.  Don't ever feel like a man is better than you or you have to put up with anything less than the best. From the time they hit puberty, men do everything in life to get a woman.  They only act superior to trick you into accepting less than you deserve.  Don't fall for it.  I promise you, the more you demand of them, the more they will bask in their accomplishment when they finally get you. 

Safe Sex is up to YOU

If you aren't in a relationship there may be no reason for you to be on birth control.  This means you will have to use condoms when the situation arises.  Girls, carry condoms.  Don't rely on a guy to do this.  Also, make sure he wears it the WHOLE time even if you have to keep checking.  I know girls who have told me the guy took it off midway thru and they had no idea.  If he gives you the ol' "I hate condoms, I can't feel anything", then suggest that you don't have sex.  I guarantee you he will use the condom.

Don't Perpetrate

Is this his car? It looks like his car. But how do you really know?  My friend was out with a guy who picked her up in a Maserati.  She checked the glove box when he was in the store and the car was rented. What a FAKER. Its ok to snoop around to see if he's the real deal.... He may just be perpetratin' to get in your pants. 

It's Never Too Late To See Things Clearly

A client of mine just dumped an 8 year booty call.  That's right ladies, just because it goes on for 8 years doesn't mean its not a booty call....This guy managed to manipulate her into sex all that time without so much as a date.  After working with her for a while she began to see what she had gotten herself into.  So, when the next "Hey, Come over baby" call came in, she said "No".  She then told him she was over it and had too much respect for herself to keep seeing him.  His reply was, "Cool.  Do you have that $300 you owe me?"

He Likes Man Jobs

If you hear a noise in the middle of the night that scares you, or you have a plumbing disaster and your bathroom is flooded, call him.  Men like to know they are needed for man things.  Even if your guy is the "office type" who can't fix shit, he wants to feel like you think he can.  Ask him to come over to reassure you that these "man things" will be taken care of, even if he simply calls a handyman for you or checks your backyard with a flashlight to be sure you are burglar-free. When he does, tell him how much you appreciate him and he will come running the next time you need to change a lightbulb.

Be A Free Bird

Don't ever let a man tell you what you can or can not do.  His job is to support you and be excited about who you are. Have the job you want, the friends you want, and the hobbies you love.  If he puts you down, hates your friends, or tells you not to get a cat, he is not for you. Changing yourself for a man will only make him lose respect for you.  If you have blonde hair and he tells you he prefers brunettes, tell him to go find one.

Are you stalking me?

If he isn't looking for you, leave him alone.  Don't send him a tweet about how amazing he is, or text him to ask him a made up question.  Don't show up at the club you know he will be at and stand around hoping he will see you.  You aren't fooling anyone.  You are a stalker.  I know it and so does he.  This will not only let him know you're psycho, it will guarantee that he will never look for you because he doesn't have to...you are right there!

Let the Ho's Have 'Em

I just got a call from a girl saying its impossible to find a guy because so many slutty girls offer sex so easily.  She said if the guy can get sex over twitter, why would he take the time to go on dates with a nice girl? Don't be mad, girl.  The whores are doing you a favor. You don't WANT those guys anyway!  Let the ho's have 'em.  If you see a girl throwing herself at a guy and he's loving it....laugh and know that the two of them are perfect for each other!  Neither of them has a shred of respect for for themselves. The quality man that you desire would never act like a horny high-school douchebag.  He is still out there, looking for YOU.

Jealousy Doesn't Work

Do you stalk his Facebook and ask him who every girl is?  Do you scope out all the sexy girls in the room before he does just to see if he will look?  Do you try and crack the codes on his phone and computer?  Girl...you can be doing better things with your time.  Jealousy is rooted in insecurity, and insecurity is never sexy. If you think other girls are better than you, so will he.

You Deserve Romance

Flowers, gifts, surprises...these are things you deserve.  If a man has class he will know this.  If 2 months passes without even so much as a cute note on your windshield?   Move on.

Don't Be Desperate, Be Productive

Your man has been busy working and you aren't seeing him everyday like you used to.  The last thing he wants is you adding pressure to his already overwhelming schedule.  He WANTS to see you.  It's not personal, he's working.  The best thing you can do for your relationship is be supportive silently.  Take your free nights and spend them catching up with your friends, organize your closet, write your positive affirmations.  Don't stalk him and bug him about when he's going to see you.  This will only turn you into another obligation in his life.  The more you leave him alone and do your own thing, the faster he will be rushing through his work so he can get to his sexy, independent, understanding girl!

Be Happy!

I don't care if your dog died, you just got fired and you broke a nail all in the same day.  DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT tell your man about your problems.  Whether its the first date or you have been together for a year, keep your problems to yourself.  No one wants to be around a whiney, complaining, bitter woman.  Decide to handle your problems on your own and spend date time doing something fun.  Smile, and he will always want to be around you.

Don't Neglect The Sex

Men love lingerie.  I don't care how long you have been together and how boring your sex life has become.  If you show up in this... he will feel like he is seeing you again for the first time.  Men go to strip bars because they love lingerie and women who are comfortable being sexy.  Keep your guy at home and give him a lap dance he will never forget.

I don't recommend this until you are committed to each other.  If you are looking this hot, he should have to earn it.

Men you meet at clubs....go to clubs

Can you take this guy seriously? I can't...and he isn't taking you seriously either.  Go to the club with your friends and dance.  Don't try to find a boyfriend.

Match Make Over

If you know what style of guy you want to attract, dress the part!  You won't get a classy businessman in cheap stripper heels and you won't get a creative type if you can't combine colors.  Imagine how your style of man's woman would look.  Find some pics in a magazine and re-create them.  This guy would definately talk to this girl.

Daily Affirmations

No one will love you if you don't love yourself.  Sounds like a country song but it's true.  Buy a journal and make it your "I Love Me" book.  Every day take a few minutes to list all the things you love about yourself and your life.  By reminding yourself of these things, you wear them like a coat of armour and other people will see them and be attracted to you.  Positive energy attracts positivity. Science has already proven this so take advantage of it.

Seize The Day

I was just at a shoe store when a handsome guy approached me to ask my opinion on men's shoes.  He said he was in town for a wedding and needed a dress shoe.  We were talking and trying on shoes together when the sales guy asked him if he had a date for the wedding.  When he replied "No", the salesman immediately suggested he ask me to go.  I smiled at how amazing this would be for one of my beautiful single friends.  You never know when the opportunity will arise so you must always be prepared and keep an eye open.  Most importantly.... ALWAYS look cute.... even if you're just running to the mall to return something at Aldo. 

Step Away From The Cell Phone

When you first start dating someone, it's classy and respectful to focus all of your attention on your mate when you have set aside time to get to know each other.  If you are self-employed and get calls at all hours, your clients can wait for you to enjoy a dinner or a movie.  If your friends are blowing you up to see how the date is going, you can get back to them later.  Being on the text or twitter will only make you appear bored on the date, and even worse, disinterested.  Even if its the worst date of all time, its a bad reflection on you to not give this person a little respect.  After all, you are the one who made the plans so honor your choices.  If you know you are a phone addict, leave it at home.  Your tweets will be there waiting for you when you get back.

If the lights are on....Go Home!

Have you ever been at a club when all of the sudden at 2 a.m. the lights come on...revealing hundreds of hideous faces drunk and sloppy who have partied well past their expiration date?  That could be YOU.  Don't overstay your welcome and wait for all the uglies to appear in your relationship.  When the ship starts to sink and you know it's over, leave!  Go home while your dignity is still in tact and spare yourself the fighting and revenge games that bring out the worst in you.  A lady or gentleman knows it's better to be safely tucked in bed than to be caught lingering around in the brutal, sobering club lights.  Apply that to your love life and you will never suffer the humiliation of being the one who just won't leave.